Tag Archives: prismacolor pencils

[un] cute behavior

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        So I received a reminder of the difference between old and new me. A guy whose arm I purposely broke about 11 years ago came into Panera Sunday. Yes you read right; I pinned him down and applied leverage force on his upper arm until it broke. On purpose.

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         He’d just gotten out of church and his family was with him. Father’s day. He seemed so happy and then he looked over and saw me. Did you know black people can lose color? It’s true.

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        I motioned for him to come over, not really expecting him to do so. When he did, I had no idea what I would say to
him. He was dealing drugs, acting out and being a fool in general. Until he ran into me, he had no idea how much trouble he was in. He told me that I set him on a path that led him home and back into church. He THANKED me.

    I sat there flabbergasted.

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     I told him that I had lost everything soon after. That I’d finally gotten counselling. Inpatient stay. Cancer. Divorce. That I had to accept all of it. Then I laughed and told him we were each other’s crossroads to becoming better people.

     He agreed.

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     So I told him I was truly sorry. He asked if I’d come with him to service next Sunday and I said no. I accept my fate. I’m a warrior disguised as an artist. I thrive in conflict and suffer in peace. The best I could hope for was to die fighting the good fight. And now….

      The trick is to keep breathing, right?

Girls Own My World

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      What an opening declaration, huh? Well it’s true. Maybe it’s my southern upbringing but I tend to be more tolerant and patient with them. Guys catch hell with me but the ladies? Not so much.

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     This is NOT an unlimited ticket however.

     I’m amazed at how often I receive derogatory comments about the women I choose to create or draw on my daily commute. “Why don’t you draw REAL women?” They’ll demand of me, as if my ability only receives validation through their option.

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     The truth is I pretty much create what I want. Like most men I have a type; confident, smart, funny and loving. But I also feel I’m those things with a nice helping of stubborn on the top.

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     I tried to portray that in this picture of Wonder Woman I made. She’s all those attributes in one made up person to me.

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      I feel that’s what a cosplayer who is in her character is trying to display about herself. Just like Harley Quinn exists in the land of broken dolls, Diana is a more mature, fully realized woman, more confident in her sexuality and identity.

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      So yeah, when I draw women I tend not to just draw sexpots. I try to give them the depth they deserve, sometimes succeeding, sometimes not.  But at the end of the day MY prize is when a woman tells me she likes the way I render her gender. What can I say?  They own my world 😉

Whys and Wherefores

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         I’m not sure why, but I took a little time to visit family down south. It’s not a regular habit; I’m there maybe twice a year. This trip though seemed… fun.

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       So this picture is of a particularly fabulous cosplayer named mazikeen mornstar. If you ever read Vertigo’s “Lucifer” series, you’ll get it. She was EXTREMELY happy about it.

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     I usually get two or three people asking me to do this for them. Honestly I have to be motivated as well, so it rarely happens.

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   But this time I’m glad I did, because her reaction made it worthwhile. Again, I don’t do it often, but I think now I’ll offer it more freely.

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Because the character has one side of her face ruined, I kept the theme. It was risky because you never know how some people will take something like that. She was a real trooper! Next time, let’s REALLY push the envelope….

Concentrate

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      I wish I could show you how much my life is affected by nightmares. There are a lot of days where everything is fine. I can take a lot at that time, few things bother me. But I’m not having peaceful nights.

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       I have vivid nightmares connected to my service time. No, I won’t say what; just know that I wake up being completely terrified. I eventually become depressed. It’s a cycle and I dread it more than anything.

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         Daytime helps. When I draw, I find it odd that whatever emotion I felt in those dreams come back. A lot of good has come to me through art. But when I first noticed this trend, I stopped drawing. Completely.

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     Can you imagine? That’s like a duck moving into the desert! I just didn’t do anything that gave me a creative outlet.

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       Finally I slowly began to start drawing again. Other artists began to challenge me and welcome me.

     The nightmares started after an 18 year gap.

      I went to therapy. I even took some time as an inpatient when I became suicidal. I’m not ashamed to say I needed the help, badly.

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        Anyway I never will win that battle. I know that. It’s not a big deal anyway. I have goals about what I want to achieve that have nothing to do with who I was. I may not always be okay, but I can get past it.

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Reverse Joy

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    Try not to take things personally. I had a friend of mine share an old picture in which she was laying down in the tub.

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     I’ve done something sort of like this before, but this time I decided to leave the character human. I wasn’t sure about it, so I made this thumbnail.

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     Of course, it evolved a little as it went. The hair was easy since I’ve drawn in a comic book style before. It was creating the underwater effect that took a little consideration. Still, this was the time to try things out.

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Don't fear fuck ups

       I wanted her to appear innocent so I had to change her expression a tad…

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   ….but in the end it felt close to what I want my final image to be. In the meantime, I hope you like the thumbnail!  I’m leaving them all over my hometown ☺

It’s Too Bad About Me

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    I’m trying to keep my sanity lately. My usual cycle is to feel better,  stop my meds then feel worse. But the good thing about#inktober is that it’s helping me with my perspective.

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     Inking with brushes takes a lot longer than using pens! Still, I like knowing how to ink the old fashioned way.

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        Sometimes the backgrounds take me even longer than the main image. My real job puts me in hotels occasionally, so I know what they look like. That means this one was easier.

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        Oh and it will be nude. Did I mention that? Sorry I’m freshly medicated so my attention span is…off.

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