Concentrate

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      I wish I could show you how much my life is affected by nightmares. There are a lot of days where everything is fine. I can take a lot at that time, few things bother me. But I’m not having peaceful nights.

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       I have vivid nightmares connected to my service time. No, I won’t say what; just know that I wake up being completely terrified. I eventually become depressed. It’s a cycle and I dread it more than anything.

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         Daytime helps. When I draw, I find it odd that whatever emotion I felt in those dreams come back. A lot of good has come to me through art. But when I first noticed this trend, I stopped drawing. Completely.

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     Can you imagine? That’s like a duck moving into the desert! I just didn’t do anything that gave me a creative outlet.

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       Finally I slowly began to start drawing again. Other artists began to challenge me and welcome me.

     The nightmares started after an 18 year gap.

      I went to therapy. I even took some time as an inpatient when I became suicidal. I’m not ashamed to say I needed the help, badly.

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        Anyway I never will win that battle. I know that. It’s not a big deal anyway. I have goals about what I want to achieve that have nothing to do with who I was. I may not always be okay, but I can get past it.

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