Tag Archives: mental health

Bygone Be Gone

      This year I’ve started the process of reducing the amount of non-art in my life. I’ve also started to do those things I’d avoided until now.

     The first thingis getting my furnace repaired; it caught fire a couple of years ago and I’ve endured some bad winters huddled in one room of my house.

    I had avoided fixing things because to do so meant conversations with my ex. That’s it. 

   On a similar note, I’ve paid for my mental health and physical injuries myself. After watching my dad’s frustration with the VA ( veterans administration), I was loathe to visit them, even though I was medically discharged and had received extensive psychiatric care. I just didn’t want to be deconstructed for a couple of dollars. Plus I was fine, I continually lied to myself.

    I started working on the floors upstairs in my house this weekend. I always had a reason to procrastinate. But I’ve decided that my house isa physical manifestation of my mental health and self-esteem. So shit gets fixed.

   Broke up.

    My art is now on display in my nearby comic store. They framed it and had me sign it, so they must like it…

     And I have a few vehicles to get rid of. Maybe I shouldn’t, but honestly I feel that I need to. 

I’ve been asked to do the covers for a few indie comics. With pay! So there’s that. I’m feel like I’m starting to get a set of goals. We’ll see.

   Last year I lost 60 pounds. This year I’ll settle for 40 more.  And the hair.

   I still don’t know about the hair.

Break[me]

      I’ve already made EIGHT images this year! Didn’t even realize it until someone else told me. It’s gotta be a new record for me.

    All of themare improvements over what I was doing at this point last year. I guess practice makes perfect after all. 

     In the interest of full disclosure, the end of last year required me to spend a few days checked into my favorite mental health center. I’m okay now. I’ll always fight to be okay. It’s my only real job: living.

      Last time you guys got to see the early version of my pricelist. A few of the upper range things changed; their price points were slightly off. But overall, I’ve gotten pretty positive feedback. The commission list is almost full for this month, with more work planned for next month. Dare I dream?…

      My life isn’t quite where I want it to be, but at this point its just a matter of tweaks. My business plan and life plan are on track and as long as I keep my PTSD and isolation in check, you guys can expect a better level of art.

    So if you have any questions, comments or requests, pass them along! You guys have been here for the ride and hopefully the finish line for this level is in sight 😊.

    I wish you peace and prosperity in the New Year.

Concentrate

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      I wish I could show you how much my life is affected by nightmares. There are a lot of days where everything is fine. I can take a lot at that time, few things bother me. But I’m not having peaceful nights.

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       I have vivid nightmares connected to my service time. No, I won’t say what; just know that I wake up being completely terrified. I eventually become depressed. It’s a cycle and I dread it more than anything.

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         Daytime helps. When I draw, I find it odd that whatever emotion I felt in those dreams come back. A lot of good has come to me through art. But when I first noticed this trend, I stopped drawing. Completely.

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     Can you imagine? That’s like a duck moving into the desert! I just didn’t do anything that gave me a creative outlet.

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       Finally I slowly began to start drawing again. Other artists began to challenge me and welcome me.

     The nightmares started after an 18 year gap.

      I went to therapy. I even took some time as an inpatient when I became suicidal. I’m not ashamed to say I needed the help, badly.

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        Anyway I never will win that battle. I know that. It’s not a big deal anyway. I have goals about what I want to achieve that have nothing to do with who I was. I may not always be okay, but I can get past it.

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