Category Archives: life

You can’t isolate a hermit

Meet #maudecharron. She’s a pretty cool powerlifter. After watching her at an international meet, I felt the urge to draw her. Her expression tells a story. She was about to go for her second clean and jerk and while chalking up she shot the weights a defiant look. Now you have to understand; up until this point she had been a ray of sunshine. She almost danced with glee on the platform for her first lift. She was so energetic and upbeat that I was happy for her. But her demeanor changed here. You could tell that she felt that this would be a challenge, but her confidence in herself was unwavering. I love that about athletes. It’s a confidence borne of achievement. “I can because I have”. Of course she made the lift. And her playful excitement returned, but I CV had seen the steel and conviction behind her grace. So I drew her. Right at that moment when she decided that she would succeed, no matter what. Look at that expression. You almost feel sorry for those weights.

Safety over Freedom

It reads like a rant, right? It’s not. I’ll always pick freedom. But I also know better than to think things go away because I wish it.

Anyway…

I rarely draw kids. It’s not that I don’t like them; it’s that I don’t want to be trapped in the business of kids and pets. I have no interest in them.

But I do get it. My son was a little cutie, like this one. Curly hair and all. It took a long time to perfect those ringlets.

Drawing loved ones isn’t the same. It’s an interesting challenge, because you don’t really see the person only. You see them through the lens of your affection for them.

That makes it difficult to accurately judge what you are seeing. Even the most ordinary act can seem to be wonderful in such light, to say nothing of the person. To me my mom looks young and has a special glow.

You aren’t able to see that for the loved ones of others. Sometimes your interpretation of a person or pet can actually upset a customer.

People often don’t understand that an artist has developed a style that they may not appreciate. We’re not Xerox copiers and I’ve had a few experiences where expectations didn’t sync up with the reality.

That’s why it’s important to communicate with your client; if they are interested in a commission of any type, find out WHY they think that you’d make a great choice. Are they fans of your work? Did they pick you out of a hat? What are the expectations of the final work? How do they feel about the subject? Can they tell you a story about them?

Emotional stuff is NEVER irrelevant.

Fudge It

My son is back in Afghanistan. He took leave and we took a pretty fun roadtrip. I miss him already.

Anyway…

Things have been… interesting. My art life has been somewhat quiet. I have a few projects lined up, but without a deposit, I don’t start, so that’s a non issue.

Plus I found out that Staedtler discontinued the pencil I use to sketch out my art! I suppose I could just buy an 8H pencil, but I tend to lose the color with my vision issues. Oh well, something will come up.

In the meantime, I’ve resorted to colored pencils. They tend to shade really heavy and it requires me to use a more delicate touch. NOT my forte, lol.

Also… I’ve had a few people complain that I don’t draw many PoC (People of colour). The reason is…

…they don’t ask. Or I don’t post.

My paying customers often ask for a still life from a photo and the biggest hesitation comes from the concern that I’ll post the image. Of course I don’t. I have more than enough who don’t care, lol. And some are made up.

For some reason, most of the ones who say hell no are black.

Now one lady gave me an ENTIRE FOLDER of nudes to use! She only asked that I make a poster for her. Deal.

Twilight

I’m going blind

I have glaucoma. It’s pretty far along. They were supposed to operate but I can’t afford it and now my right eye is almost completely gone. My left is down to 86%. And I’m freaking all the way out.

I’m not sure if they can save my eye. I hope so. But I’m really scared right now. I’ve drawn all my life. I don’t have any memories of not doing it. My job is photographer/video editor/ artists.

What happens when I lose my sight? Forever?

I don’t live with anyone. There’s no family nearby. And I suffer from the kind of mental issues that are mocking my continued efforts to not give in to despair. Suddenly that suicide thing that I’ve been holding at bay feels like a mercy killing.

As an artist, if you’d ask me what I feared more than anything, it would have been losing my sight, with losing my hands a close second.

I’m not close to anyone. I’ve been dealing with this by myself for months. The surgery can only save what’s left, maybe. And because it’s the optic nerve that’s dying…well, maybe it’s already done.

I gotta have the surgery. I need to. But my window is closing and soon it won’t matter. I’ll be in the dark. And I’ll never come back.

Prep

Well, #inktober is a week away, so i should slow down, conserve my arm right?

Hahaha, you’re funny!

No, I’m trying to finish off another sketchpad which is a VERY tall order. I have a pad for the inktober stuff.

Despite the aggravation, I do enjoy drawing for lunch. Just going for it, seeing what I can get done. This one surprised me because that facial expression?

That’s EXACTLY what I was going for.

Maintaining an expression over layers is tricky. Anything in fleshing it out can change your intent and unlike other mediums, once you put marker to paper, what you’ve got is, well, what you’ve got.

Plus I’m still learning the limits of my vision loss. Hopefully my upcoming surgery will help.

Anyway, having things turn out well shows improvement. So yay for me!

Sorry if I seemed a little silly. It’s been a pretty bad week for me and I think I may have overcompensated on the good vibes. See you guys next week!

Fatal

This is me practicing on new paper. It was going to be Wonder Woman and honestly, I knew I wouldn’t finish it. But…

I still managed to piss someone off by doing it. Had a lady loudly announce that there were children in the Starbucks and that I should be ashamed.”Sure” I told her, “sorry your kids have such a loud ghetto mother with low self esteem”.

“I’m not ghetto, I’m white!” Then the pieces clicked for her and she walked away angrily. Oh well…

I think people have such a terrible response to bikini art or human body art. Full disclosure; I’m not a fan of some of it either. I just assume that it wasn’t meant for me and keep it moving.

It’s as simple as that.

The good news is I got to break in my new scales of paper in relative peace and quiet. The occasional curious person.

Inktober is next month. A picture a day! Should be fun.