Category Archives: relationships

Non

I had to go visit an old Girlfriend in hospice. Cancer. She’d requested to see me, so I went. We talked, a little; she told me why she left and that she liked me. Thought I was one of the nicest people she knew.

I had to be somebody’s, right?

Her mother was there and some cousins. Apparently she talked about me a lot. I answered their questions. I held her hand. We cried some.

She’s gone. Dying quick, even violently, seems like a kindness now.

I’ll be better next week.

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Tears in Rain

A lot of people remember Rutger Hauer as his seminal creation, Roy Batty. Not me. I had no interest in the saxophone tuned, smoke filled crime drama. Nope.

My first Rutger film was Blind Fury.

That movie was a weird, fun filled adventure. It made me laugh. Seeing him walking off in the end made me want to see further adventures.

Next was Split Second.

I’ll be honest; I didn’t see all of it. The Mrs and I were really busy making out (newlyweds). But I do remember believing his character was him. He was a sort of action hero, but a more emotionally honest one

I saw Hitcher while stationed overseas in Germany. It was running in a small theatre in Munchen(Munich) And me, being an idiot went in to see it.

It was in German. But I still got the point.

So finally, FINALLY I decided to give Blade Runner a try. There were a lot of versions, but Netflix only had one. I was divorced, cynical and bitter. Perfect timing, right?

I loved it. It didn’t try to explain the world we were seeing too much. I could almost grasp a lot of it. But I enjoyed two people in it the most.

Rachel. And Roy.

I’m not sure what that says about my mindset then. I guess I had lost a lot of my self identity at that point.

I wasn’t a soldier, husband or even allowed to be a dad. I was holding on to a job and had tried to take my own life. I’d been encouraged to. By my wife.

So the entirety of his very eloquent self eulogy deeply affected me. Here was a man who had lost everything and was about to lose the only thing he had left. And all he wanted was one more day.

So I decided to try it. Just be here one more day. That was nine years ago.

So yeah…Mr Hauer saved me while I metaphorically was dangling by the fingertips. So I drew him twice. He died in the same year Roy Batty did in the movie.

Symmetry.

Surprise!

I have to admit; people can still surprise me. Here I am, sitting at my desk and I was drawing a blank. So I decided to change locales and took a lunch at Starbucks.

I decided to draw a car, but from the inside. I used to own a 66 mustang, which seemed like the perfect vehicle; simple and purpose built.

Of course, people started to crowd around. I’m used to it at this point and most are willing to let you work in peace and simply watch.

Most.

This one guy was VERY persistent. To be honest, he was getting on my nerves! But I stayed calm. I was in a public space after all. My desk was starting to seem like an oasis at this point.

The car that lead to the image I drew #rita

So…I explained. Turns out, he owns a 66 mustang. And you know what? He bought the drawing on the spot. I was a little surprised. But I learned a lesson. From now on, I’ll think “customer interaction” BEFORE I think “interruption”.

Specific

Okay… I’m going to try something for the first time.

I’ll tell you WHY I drew something. If you guys like that I may share more stuff like it. WARNING!! It may suck, lol. Anyway…

I drew this picture of my son’s mother, my ex-wife. We talked for mother’s day and afterwards I felt physically ill. She was the love of my life and I still miss her everyday. So I was hit with this certainty that I didn’t exist anymore. I wanted to scream and I wanted to ugly cry.

I started drawing instead.

I did it as fast as I could. I just drew her like she was in the shower, except the water is mine. My tears. And NO ONE would know that. Unless I told them.

So as I went along, creating this little slice of my psyche, I began to feel better. So now you know.

CareFree

Believe it or not, I actually had artwork ready for last week. But I ended up two states away at a hospice center, watching an old aquaintance pass away.

It was interesting in a terrifying way.

I’ve seen people die. I’ve caused it as well (do NOT recommend). But that’s pretty quickly over. You can’t process everything and it leaves you a little dazed.

This was… different.

First the call came and I drove to North Carolina where my friend had retired. I thought he was hurt. Then they explained and I told them that I hadn’t seen him in over a decade. It was awkward. We weren’t super close. But I decided to stay.

I have never had someone look so happy to see me. EVER. We talked a little, got caught up. My brain was having a hard time processing that he wasn’t just….in the hospital. You know? Like he’d get better somehow.

His biggest fear was that no one would come. “I couldn’t think of anybody, man. I was a little scared”.

….

What could I say? Having noone there is pretty much a horrible thing. When he turned and stop talking, I got a break. The nurses thanked me for coming and wanted to hear how I knew him. The more they asked the less I could answer. Finally the question came…

Why did you come?

Those places are very religious. He talked a lot about the Lord and what he believed. Sometimes he just stared at me, like he was trying to memorize my face.

Eventually he was gone.

I drove home. During the drive I thought about how I had pulled away from friends and family. Three years ago, I had tried to end my own life. I thought about this stuff over and over.

Anyway…it was a busy week.

Do try die

I finished this project for someone new. She doesn’t know about the blog. She just thought the image was cool and I agreed.

We talked.

And I was really enjoying myself until this voice inside me asked, very quietly, “what are you doing?”

I finished her picture and packed up my stuff. She seemed confused and I couldn’t explain. We parted. I’ll try to never see her again.

Because #skyphoenix never forgets and the stars haven’t burned out yet.

Halloween

I made it! A buttload of pictures were completed for #inktober! Including a very special one…

So, it’s never come up but I have a couple of wily and fun ginger sisters in my life. I’ve drawn them before as Jean Grey and Dark Phoenix; it seemed appropriate, given the personalities involved. But one of them REALLY loves Halloween. So… I made her the Goblin Queen!

I started out with a couple of thumbnails to get the design I wanted.

Then I did a rough sketch. This is when I decided to add a pet goblin. A queen needs her subjects!

After doing a clean line version of my image and choosing a pallet, I begin coloring, doing the leather and skintones first.

Next came the cape. If you know the character, you know her original design by Marc Silvestri was very sketch and tattered looking. I didn’t want to go THAT far, but still wanted to stay in the spirit of the original.

Next I added some background accents. I was going to make it feel a little more Dante at first, with suffering souls and all that. But I decided against it.

Finally I added an appropriate sidekick and made sure all of the focal light fell on the main character.

My friend was really happy with her gift. But I’m no dummy. I have to draw the other one soon. They ARE sisters after all.