Category Archives: art

Twilight

I’m going blind

I have glaucoma. It’s pretty far along. They were supposed to operate but I can’t afford it and now my right eye is almost completely gone. My left is down to 86%. And I’m freaking all the way out.

I’m not sure if they can save my eye. I hope so. But I’m really scared right now. I’ve drawn all my life. I don’t have any memories of not doing it. My job is photographer/video editor/ artists.

What happens when I lose my sight? Forever?

I don’t live with anyone. There’s no family nearby. And I suffer from the kind of mental issues that are mocking my continued efforts to not give in to despair. Suddenly that suicide thing that I’ve been holding at bay feels like a mercy killing.

As an artist, if you’d ask me what I feared more than anything, it would have been losing my sight, with losing my hands a close second.

I’m not close to anyone. I’ve been dealing with this by myself for months. The surgery can only save what’s left, maybe. And because it’s the optic nerve that’s dying…well, maybe it’s already done.

I gotta have the surgery. I need to. But my window is closing and soon it won’t matter. I’ll be in the dark. And I’ll never come back.

Starter for Self

It’s officially #inktober! I get to make an image a day for the month 😁. And they have to be own and ink.

Since I’ve been doing a lot of that already, it’s not taking any real effort. All the speed work I’ve done helps with the actual images; usually it takes about two, maybe three hours.

The real issue for me is the themes.

I have ZERO interest in drawing someone else’s choices for fun. I get that this is supposed to be an exciting time for art, but honestly?…

It feels a lot like crowdsourcing.

Why do I need to create something that thousands of others have? No. I’m making original work. Going on my own tangent.

Too many people are actually cheating anyway. I’ve seen different people repost the same image in multiple groups!

If you’re going to cheat, at least be original.

Doggo

This is Hank. He’s a one year old Husky and his owner thinks that he’s the bestest doggo. How much?

She paid me to draw him.

I didn’t have a lot of time; about two hours and then we’d be leaving work for the day.

That nose. I am singularly proud of it. I didn’t do any samples or practice that texture. I just went for it.

It takes quite a few years of experience to do. To intuit color, values, scale. And there’s varying degrees of this ability; that’s why I believe in the concept of talent.

I gave up the piece to the young lady. She was really happy with it, but wanted to wait to take it, since it was raining out. No problem.

#inktober starts tomorrow.

Are you ready? I am!

Prep

Well, #inktober is a week away, so i should slow down, conserve my arm right?

Hahaha, you’re funny!

No, I’m trying to finish off another sketchpad which is a VERY tall order. I have a pad for the inktober stuff.

Despite the aggravation, I do enjoy drawing for lunch. Just going for it, seeing what I can get done. This one surprised me because that facial expression?

That’s EXACTLY what I was going for.

Maintaining an expression over layers is tricky. Anything in fleshing it out can change your intent and unlike other mediums, once you put marker to paper, what you’ve got is, well, what you’ve got.

Plus I’m still learning the limits of my vision loss. Hopefully my upcoming surgery will help.

Anyway, having things turn out well shows improvement. So yay for me!

Sorry if I seemed a little silly. It’s been a pretty bad week for me and I think I may have overcompensated on the good vibes. See you guys next week!

Made for Me

Some of you may remember the last time I drew this young lady. Probably not though. Well, to be honest, I do have a few people who are always available for this.

I guess you can call them my muses.

Of course Melissa, Rebekah, Velvet and Zoa are aware of their status. Which means that I often get to draw them and have used them for reference. It’s helpful.

The funny part (at least to me) is that whenever a new subject or image comes up, I get none of the “who’s she?” feedback that certain peers of mine do. I believe it’s because I’m not dating them. In fact at least one of them is married!

So much for the “sleeping around” artist theory, hahaha.

Anyway the reason I mention this is because sometimes when drawing in public, I catch a bit of flak from women who think that they’re the focus of my art. That’s NEVER the case.

So….no more attacking the artist publicly, okay? You’re going to be embarrassed when I show you an image of a car, dog, or someone else.

Fatal

This is me practicing on new paper. It was going to be Wonder Woman and honestly, I knew I wouldn’t finish it. But…

I still managed to piss someone off by doing it. Had a lady loudly announce that there were children in the Starbucks and that I should be ashamed.”Sure” I told her, “sorry your kids have such a loud ghetto mother with low self esteem”.

“I’m not ghetto, I’m white!” Then the pieces clicked for her and she walked away angrily. Oh well…

I think people have such a terrible response to bikini art or human body art. Full disclosure; I’m not a fan of some of it either. I just assume that it wasn’t meant for me and keep it moving.

It’s as simple as that.

The good news is I got to break in my new scales of paper in relative peace and quiet. The occasional curious person.

Inktober is next month. A picture a day! Should be fun.

Day

This weekend was totally unproductive. No drawing, no going places. Just me finally getting some much needed rest and recovery.

That means that today’s picture is from… today! Or more accurately, over my lunch break. And honestly, I feel as though I’ve overdone it.

That’s cool though; sometimes you just want to turn off your brain and make whatever floats in, right?