Last post before the new year! I’d love to lie about being ready. I really would….
As you can see, I’m back to doing digital painting. Believe it or not, this one was fairly easy for me.
Everyone thinks that I have my own special, custom brushes for doing this kind of thing. Nope. I’m doing it the hard way. Opacity on 10%, so most of the brush strokes you see are built up. It’s how I get that feathered look.
As for the details… I’ve gotten a lot better at crossing the finish line nowadays. Those little things are the difference when it comes to your art.
To be honest, I never trusted myself with being able to bring them out.
Anyway, I’m not sure if I’m happy with it. I gave the old background more pop and a 3D feel, but…
Once upon a time, I used to want to go into space. I was good at math and thought I wanted to fly. Then I chased a bullfrog into one of those rain culvers under a dirt road….
….and got stuck.
I went from annoyed to scared fast. I yelled for help, no one heard me. It took about an hour and I found that I could only go forward, so that’s what I did. I stayed calm and freed myself.
Later I watched the Android Bishop do the same thing in the movie “Aliens” and had an anxiety attack. I didn’t know what it was; I just couldn’t breathe and felt as though the room was closing on me. Then I learned that you have to be strapped in and still for training and actual missions and I knew that wasn’t for me.
I needed to be free.
But I never lost my love for space. Watching the shuttles, Voyager, Skylab. It all seemed so, BIG.
Then, one day, I was given a chance to work for NASA, as a contractor. The people bringing me in didn’t know it, but I was so excited!! By then we had Hubble and we’re building the International Space Station. Still launching shuttles. Getting ready to go to the moon again. I was proud to have a PIV card that said that I was at Goddard Space Flight Center. It made me so happy.
I have glaucoma. It’s pretty far along. They were supposed to operate but I can’t afford it and now my right eye is almost completely gone. My left is down to 86%. And I’m freaking all the way out.
I’m not sure if they can save my eye. I hope so. But I’m really scared right now. I’ve drawn all my life. I don’t have any memories of not doing it. My job is photographer/video editor/ artists.
What happens when I lose my sight? Forever?
I don’t live with anyone. There’s no family nearby. And I suffer from the kind of mental issues that are mocking my continued efforts to not give in to despair. Suddenly that suicide thing that I’ve been holding at bay feels like a mercy killing.
As an artist, if you’d ask me what I feared more than anything, it would have been losing my sight, with losing my hands a close second.
I’m not close to anyone. I’ve been dealing with this by myself for months. The surgery can only save what’s left, maybe. And because it’s the optic nerve that’s dying…well, maybe it’s already done.
I gotta have the surgery. I need to. But my window is closing and soon it won’t matter. I’ll be in the dark. And I’ll never come back.
Some of you may remember the last time I drew this young lady. Probably not though. Well, to be honest, I do have a few people who are always available for this.
I guess you can call them my muses.
Of course Melissa, Rebekah, Velvet and Zoa are aware of their status. Which means that I often get to draw them and have used them for reference. It’s helpful.
The funny part (at least to me) is that whenever a new subject or image comes up, I get none of the “who’s she?” feedback that certain peers of mine do. I believe it’s because I’m not dating them. In fact at least one of them is married!
So much for the “sleeping around” artist theory, hahaha.
Anyway the reason I mention this is because sometimes when drawing in public, I catch a bit of flak from women who think that they’re the focus of my art. That’s NEVER the case.
So….no more attacking the artist publicly, okay? You’re going to be embarrassed when I show you an image of a car, dog, or someone else.
I drew this to prove a point. I was accused of not really arting and of stealing my own work! At first I thought that it was a joke, but it turns out that someone else had posted one of my pictures as theirs!
So I told the loudmouth to pick an image and I would draw it the same day. This is what he chose.
So I began to work on it immediately. I didn’t like being accused of crap. And others were online defending me, but I didn’t care. I was out to prove a point.
When I finished I asked if he believed me now. He then apologized and asked if he could have the drawing for proof. I said no. And this is where it gets bizarre!
He began ranting about what a crappy artist I was and how I hadn’t wanted to draw it anyway, so I should just be “cool” and give it to him. Finally the lightbulb went off. I’d been scammed!
There was never “another artist”. He simply wanted me to draw this image and tricked me into doing so. I felt really dumb. I just stopped engaging him in conversation.
I have to admit; people can still surprise me. Here I am, sitting at my desk and I was drawing a blank. So I decided to change locales and took a lunch at Starbucks.
I decided to draw a car, but from the inside. I used to own a 66 mustang, which seemed like the perfect vehicle; simple and purpose built.
Of course, people started to crowd around. I’m used to it at this point and most are willing to let you work in peace and simply watch.
This one guy was VERY persistent. To be honest, he was getting on my nerves! But I stayed calm. I was in a public space after all. My desk was starting to seem like an oasis at this point.
The car that lead to the image I drew #rita
So…I explained. Turns out, he owns a 66 mustang. And you know what? He bought the drawing on the spot. I was a little surprised. But I learned a lesson. From now on, I’ll think “customer interaction” BEFORE I think “interruption”.