Category Archives: change

Dancing Pants

Well, I finished! After several trips and lots of stress I can relax a little. So I spent the night finishing my painting and making a clip of my work 😊

I try to be positive as much as possible, but sometimes it’s a difficult task. But I’m starting to separate my grief from my daily life.

I’m already starting on a project that would have been timely a week ago. With video! Should be fun.

UPload

This week I learned that putting a house 1100 miles away that you inherited on the market is hard. I ended up driving to Alabama. I’ve had very little sleep, lol.

But enough of that. I’m doing another female bodybuilder, yay! I get asked if that’s all I draw or is it a fetish or something. The answer is no. But I have been a powerlifter since I was 16. So I have traveled in the same circles.

Plus, women in general tend to be more receptive to being drawn. It’s a little flattering and you get to see yourself the way that the artist does. Most women I’ve met who lift weights tend to be a bit more confident and self assured. They aren’t manly at all; most are so girly and giggly that it’s kinda sweet.

Also, a few haven’t had a lot of self esteem. Changing yourself, your body through an act of will is very empowering. Once you conquer you, you feel as though you can conquer anything!

So I end up trying to capture this for them. They get a lot of flak and unjustly so. Hopefully my art makes them feel appreciated.

Woof

I had a dream about my Siberian Husky, Blizzard. We were going for a walk, except it started with driving with him in the passenger seat of my Amigo, top down as a puppy.

We ended up walking around my hometown. He was a full grown dog at that point in my dream. We were looking for my son. I woke up before we made it to my moms house.

When you have dreams like that, they carry a sense of dread. My Blizzard is gone; but I still feel him and that memory always comes with a slight sliver of pain and sadness. I miss him a lot.

So I decided to draw to help me grieve a little. It’s weird to me because I’ve seen the equivalent of a small village dead at once. I’ve seen severe human suffering.

But it’s always the small, personal wounds to my payche that stay. I feel like I should forget at some point.

But I probably won’t.

I hope I don’t.

The Luxury of Sleep

Hey guys! Sorry but I’m super busy with something that should cover my bills for a considerable amount of time if I can accomplish it. But hey, I’m a former paratrooper. The difficult can be done immediately and the impossible takes slightly longer. 😉

So I decided to show you the difference a little time makes. I was happy with this when I first produced it. But one of the ways that you know that you’re growing as an artist is that your old art looks primitive when you see it later. You see where you went wrong.

So fix it.

As you can see, it’s a lot more refined and the hair looks more like hair, lol. I kept her muscularity without losing the graceful flow.

And her hands aren’t big and thick.

And since one person liked my video, here’s another. Again, older work, but just as fun.

See you next week!

Phantom Pain; you [never] get over it

Well, I’m back from vacation. Thanks for being patient and sorry I had to post rushed art. It’s not as much fun when you’re not intentionally doing it!

This work was almost completely different. I originally was going to draw Domino the way she appears in the comics, albino with one dark eye.

Think Spot from the Dick and Jane books.

ANYWAY, while telling an associate of mine about my grand plan, she laughed.

“You’re such a contrarian”.

I almost argued with her. Which would have proved her point.

Instead I decided to, for a change, do what was expected. It was hard, you guys!

I may have a problem. A psychological blindspot.

Aside from the original sketch, most of this was done without reference. I figured it was okay if it wasn’t quite Zazzie; after all, she’d stood us up at All Star Con. I owed her nothing, ha-ha.

Next came the color markers. I was going to do flats of colour, but forgot and started getting overly elaborate. Oops!

Next came the colored pencils. I have to admit, it’s been many months ago since I last used them I did a few blend outs to make sure that I was using the right pallet. I’m sure my instinct for it will come back eventually.

In the meantime, I had to fight an old enemy; smudging. While your strokes are fresh the oil from your hands can continue to smear them, usually leaving your image looking blurry. A piece of paper or cloth under hand fixes the issue. Also, Pro tip: learn how to shade by gradually lifting pressure on your stroke. Unless you’re using charcoal, the ability to shade without smudging is going to improve everything about your image.

Finally, I was almost done! I was going to let the lips have a more natural tone until I was asked why I left her mouth looking flat.

Fresh eyes on the image. Plus, I’m trying to fight my opposite urge. So I “fixed” it.

And that’s that. I’ll probably do more colored pencil work. It was fun.

Tears in Rain

A lot of people remember Rutger Hauer as his seminal creation, Roy Batty. Not me. I had no interest in the saxophone tuned, smoke filled crime drama. Nope.

My first Rutger film was Blind Fury.

That movie was a weird, fun filled adventure. It made me laugh. Seeing him walking off in the end made me want to see further adventures.

Next was Split Second.

I’ll be honest; I didn’t see all of it. The Mrs and I were really busy making out (newlyweds). But I do remember believing his character was him. He was a sort of action hero, but a more emotionally honest one

I saw Hitcher while stationed overseas in Germany. It was running in a small theatre in Munchen(Munich) And me, being an idiot went in to see it.

It was in German. But I still got the point.

So finally, FINALLY I decided to give Blade Runner a try. There were a lot of versions, but Netflix only had one. I was divorced, cynical and bitter. Perfect timing, right?

I loved it. It didn’t try to explain the world we were seeing too much. I could almost grasp a lot of it. But I enjoyed two people in it the most.

Rachel. And Roy.

I’m not sure what that says about my mindset then. I guess I had lost a lot of my self identity at that point.

I wasn’t a soldier, husband or even allowed to be a dad. I was holding on to a job and had tried to take my own life. I’d been encouraged to. By my wife.

So the entirety of his very eloquent self eulogy deeply affected me. Here was a man who had lost everything and was about to lose the only thing he had left. And all he wanted was one more day.

So I decided to try it. Just be here one more day. That was nine years ago.

So yeah…Mr Hauer saved me while I metaphorically was dangling by the fingertips. So I drew him twice. He died in the same year Roy Batty did in the movie.

Symmetry.

Surprise!

I have to admit; people can still surprise me. Here I am, sitting at my desk and I was drawing a blank. So I decided to change locales and took a lunch at Starbucks.

I decided to draw a car, but from the inside. I used to own a 66 mustang, which seemed like the perfect vehicle; simple and purpose built.

Of course, people started to crowd around. I’m used to it at this point and most are willing to let you work in peace and simply watch.

Most.

This one guy was VERY persistent. To be honest, he was getting on my nerves! But I stayed calm. I was in a public space after all. My desk was starting to seem like an oasis at this point.

The car that lead to the image I drew #rita

So…I explained. Turns out, he owns a 66 mustang. And you know what? He bought the drawing on the spot. I was a little surprised. But I learned a lesson. From now on, I’ll think “customer interaction” BEFORE I think “interruption”.

Day by Night

Sorry guys. It’s been an interesting week for me. I suffered a scratch on my cornea somehow in my sleep! I get to wear a fun eyepatch. Needless to say, the art may be wonky, haha.

I still think that I did pretty well. This one came from a photo provided by someone else. I had to buy a new gel pen for the hair, since mine was stolen.

I also drew a friend who was feeling a little down about her looks since she wears glasses now. Oh well, it could have been an eyepatch, lol.

All of time at its end

I’m trying to draw away a dark cloud that is trying to settle over me. I might succeed; it’s worked in the past.

There’s no guarantee that it will though. But motivation is motivation,and even though I try not to tap into negative emotions for my art anymore, sometimes it helps.

But you can’t stay there. It’s a loop and the only real way to break it is to do the things that you don’t feel like doing. Upbeat music. Time spent outside. Go online and listen to jokes or comedy clips…

….get out of your head.

CareFree

Believe it or not, I actually had artwork ready for last week. But I ended up two states away at a hospice center, watching an old aquaintance pass away.

It was interesting in a terrifying way.

I’ve seen people die. I’ve caused it as well (do NOT recommend). But that’s pretty quickly over. You can’t process everything and it leaves you a little dazed.

This was… different.

First the call came and I drove to North Carolina where my friend had retired. I thought he was hurt. Then they explained and I told them that I hadn’t seen him in over a decade. It was awkward. We weren’t super close. But I decided to stay.

I have never had someone look so happy to see me. EVER. We talked a little, got caught up. My brain was having a hard time processing that he wasn’t just….in the hospital. You know? Like he’d get better somehow.

His biggest fear was that no one would come. “I couldn’t think of anybody, man. I was a little scared”.

….

What could I say? Having noone there is pretty much a horrible thing. When he turned and stop talking, I got a break. The nurses thanked me for coming and wanted to hear how I knew him. The more they asked the less I could answer. Finally the question came…

Why did you come?

Those places are very religious. He talked a lot about the Lord and what he believed. Sometimes he just stared at me, like he was trying to memorize my face.

Eventually he was gone.

I drove home. During the drive I thought about how I had pulled away from friends and family. Three years ago, I had tried to end my own life. I thought about this stuff over and over.

Anyway…it was a busy week.