There’s been a lot of changes in my life in the last year, some good, some difficult. I’ll tell you a bit of it with time. Honestly, I’m back because it’s kinda therapeutic for me to do this kind of thing.
I’ve been doing a lot of routing and installing at work. It’s very relaxing for me, especially when the building is almost empty and we’re in the middle of testing cameras and video streams. I’ve added a bunch of new skills and since my plan was always to be able to work remotely, I was ahead of the curve.
My kid is no longer a soldier, but he did his part and I’m happy to see him safely home. It’s funny how little I cared about my own safety, but worried constantly about his. I get it, mom. You were right, lol.
I’m not sure if my life is fine. There are things that I want to say, but can’t. I guess some of us got to experience the MCU Blip in real life.
What an interesting week I’ve had! I had my eye surgery and it went well enough I suppose. I pretty much cried like a baby, but it got done.
But after a couple of days I felt WORSE. My eye was throbbing and even closing them didn’t improve the sensation. Being a masochists only made it slightly bearable.
So to be safe, I did this week’s drawing earlier in the week. That’s right I was thinking of you guys! And while I haven’t done anything so far, I intend to do at LEAST a Godzilla sketch. He is my spirit animal after all.
When you don’t have any hope, believe it or not, things aren’t super terrible. It’s like an old injury and it aches but you get used to it. Then something comes into your life; hope. And you scoff at it, but you put it in your pocket.
You pull it out sometimes. Watch it glint in the sun. You stare at it. And everyday you do it a little more. Stuff starts coming to you. You laugh and the sound surprises you. And you start planning to get better. It feels like the worst is over.
And you drop hope. It rolls into a grate and disappears.
And just like that you’re falling. Like the literal sensation of plunging actually comes over you. You’re fighting years worth of tears and it used to be so easy but that was before hope and you had no idea that you had climbed this far but now you’re falling and suddenly you remember the bottom and that’s when the fear hits, because you know where you’re going.
And you won’t be numb this time.
You were so close. You had almost made it. You were Stupid!! You don’t even realize that you’ve started talking about yourself in the past tense.
It’s not okay. It’s never going to be okay. You were wrong to look up. Bitterly, that day you noticed the glint seems almost the worst day ever. You’ll never do that again. Stupid.
I don’t even WANT to be happy anymore. I just want content. Content is enough. No more dreams. They only hurt.
So… I’ve been packing like crazy. My move is next Thursday and my surgery is next Wednesday. I’m transferring a lot of my utilities and mailing address, paid off my car, finished eight podcasts for a series…
I’ve been busy.
Part way through the week I realized that I’d forgotten to post my video! So you guys will get a two for one this week 😉
I went out of my way to portray a feeling last week. Have you ever had someone cheat on you and suddenly realised that their behaviour made sense in hindsight? Like…
… someone who is always staring at and texting on their phone…but never responds to YOUR text messages?
That naive moment, when you can’t understand you’re miserable, but you still WANT to believe in them so badly. It’s a hard lesson to learn from a moment that seems so innocent. Until it’s not.
I have one last step before I close on my house and it gets underwriter approval; the inspection. I’m so nervous! I keep telling myself that it’s no big deal and that I don’t need a roof over my head, it’s not like I’m being evicted, lol.
It’s very hard to lie to yourself.
Anyway, to pass the time, I finished the Shelby. It gave me a sense of satisfaction and helped me focus. It’s amazing how sometimes art whets my appetite to create more and others I just feel drained and relieved. With this, I just swiveled my chair around and started anew.
But that’s for next week. In the meantime, be safe and enjoy the following video. Later! 😊
Hey guys! We’ll, let’s not stand on ceremony; I found my next house! (I hope) I’m going through inspections and appraisals now, but my financing is already in place, so hopefully in late March I’ll be closing 🏠
Unfortunately… I’m having to make a choice to move on from someone. With my mother dying from COVID last year, I slowly came to realise that I no longer value having constant companionship. So…
Anyway, my life is changing in other ways as well. I’ve already set goals for this year, and looking forward to achieving them. Quite a few are art related, so you get to come along my journey. Isn’t that fun?…
So look for me to start paying a little more attention to this page. And here’s what you were REALLY waiting for, lol. One more vid to completion!