I had a dream that I came face to face with a Great White. It wanted to eat me, or at least have a taste, both of which would have been fatal. I told it no and I had to convince it to not kill me. It’s answer would be to either destroy me or swim away. So did I survive?
I don’t know. I woke up first.
But I definitely had the sensation of something very old and powerful deciding my fate. I was scared, just staring into black eyes that felt like stars. I was in water but it didn’t feel like anything else lived there. I couldn’t feel anything but water. It felt deep, like being in the mouth of an uncaring whale.
So I had to draw it, but I lost some of the details in waking. And that feeling of unease is still with me, even now.
I made a HUGE mistake. My bosses know that I can do not only video graphics, but also art. So guess what my last two weeks have been like?
So things stopped being simple. I started being “volunteered” for flyers, website images, team logos…and I realized that I had to nip it in the bud.
At the next meeting, I announced that I would no longer be mixing my personal and professional lives, that pending a significant pay increase with the resulting equipment, that I would no longer work on ANY art based projects.
It was definitely a surprise to everyone! But I ended up talking with my supervisor and explaining how uncomfortable it had been for me. And he understood!
So now things are back to normal. I even did a graphic recently. You know… not being a hardass, lol. And who knows, maybe someday it will be my job. But for now, I’ll keep editing videos and photos.
It’s been… interesting watching the responses to Chadwick Boseman’s passing. He was important to some people and overrated to others. But to me, he reinforced the idea that I can leave on my own terms.
It has a certain appeal.
In the last few years, I’ve had a classmate and a friend in the cosplay community die unexpectedly. By unexpectedly, I mean one I hoped would be okay, but knew she was battling illness; the other I had NO clue.
It sounds weird, but having a terminal diagnosis, at least to me, allows you to grieve you. You get to determine what your loved ones deal with, get yourself in order. It gives your remaining time clarity.
So yeah; I can see him not wanting the pity awards. Ledger did an awesome job as the Joker, but you always have to wonder how much of that was a lifetime achievement award. We were applauding a young talent, not knowing how briefly he would hear the praise and appreciation. He was our first REAL leading man superhero, who’s origins weren’t a gang or a ghetto. He’ll always be that for me.
It’s a good thing that I have a high stress tolerance! I’m working on a podcast right now (not my own) and there were a lot of mistakes made. I’ll fix them after I post this 😉
I love doing these preview shots. When I first started, they were a pain to remember. Now it’s almost second nature.
I got my start as a kid doing comic style art. I still defer to it sometimes. Like here, to keep separation between the character and the background. But it’s hard to fight the urge to do realism.
Honestly, I’m getting better at working around my job as a videographer. I was so used to doing images in one sitting, so learning to pace myself has been very helpful.
As for digital…here I turned off the color for most of the background. I’m not happy with it and need to make changes to create depth. Working slower helps me avoid some of the mistakes that tend to sleep into a speed painting.
So next week, you’ll see a finished project and a video as well! In the meantime, enjoy your week.
This week I learned that putting a house 1100 miles away that you inherited on the market is hard. I ended up driving to Alabama. I’ve had very little sleep, lol.
But enough of that. I’m doing another female bodybuilder, yay! I get asked if that’s all I draw or is it a fetish or something. The answer is no. But I have been a powerlifter since I was 16. So I have traveled in the same circles.
Plus, women in general tend to be more receptive to being drawn. It’s a little flattering and you get to see yourself the way that the artist does. Most women I’ve met who lift weights tend to be a bit more confident and self assured. They aren’t manly at all; most are so girly and giggly that it’s kinda sweet.
Also, a few haven’t had a lot of self esteem. Changing yourself, your body through an act of will is very empowering. Once you conquer you, you feel as though you can conquer anything!
So I end up trying to capture this for them. They get a lot of flak and unjustly so. Hopefully my art makes them feel appreciated.
It was Coronavirus. She fought for as long as she could. Over a month. All we could do was hope. We couldn’t visit, couldn’t console. We couldn’t stay in her home, our home. She passed away on the 4th of July.
So I haven’t been able to draw. We’ve been making arrangements, trying to settle things. It’s a surprisingly difficult thing.
I’ve been angry with her church. More specifically, with the arrogance and stupidity that lead to my 71 year old mother being infected during a pandemic.
I finally got back to drawing. Time never stands still. And no one is as isolated as they think.
I know…it seems inappropriate. I had to start with the last project I was given. It’s probably why it took me so long.
Anyway… thanks for being patient while I worked through my grief. You guys are the best, thank you.