Specific

Okay… I’m going to try something for the first time.

I’ll tell you WHY I drew something. If you guys like that I may share more stuff like it. WARNING!! It may suck, lol. Anyway…

I drew this picture of my son’s mother, my ex-wife. We talked for mother’s day and afterwards I felt physically ill. She was the love of my life and I still miss her everyday. So I was hit with this certainty that I didn’t exist anymore. I wanted to scream and I wanted to ugly cry.

I started drawing instead.

I did it as fast as I could. I just drew her like she was in the shower, except the water is mine. My tears. And NO ONE would know that. Unless I told them.

So as I went along, creating this little slice of my psyche, I began to feel better. So now you know.

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Taking a

I get asked alot about the type of women that I draw. People think that you’re attracted to what you create. Only a few ask why.

I’m a big fan of confidence. Vulnerability isn’t my thing. Whether in body or mind, I m intrigued by the way certain people express it.

As far as female bodybuilders are concerned, they are girly in a geeky way. They’ve learned how to modify themselves as an act of willpower. There is a certain amount of confidence gained from the endeavor.

I like showing them in that light, happy and self assured in their physical accomplishments.

All of time at its end

I’m trying to draw away a dark cloud that is trying to settle over me. I might succeed; it’s worked in the past.

There’s no guarantee that it will though. But motivation is motivation,and even though I try not to tap into negative emotions for my art anymore, sometimes it helps.

But you can’t stay there. It’s a loop and the only real way to break it is to do the things that you don’t feel like doing. Upbeat music. Time spent outside. Go online and listen to jokes or comedy clips…

….get out of your head.

CareFree

Believe it or not, I actually had artwork ready for last week. But I ended up two states away at a hospice center, watching an old aquaintance pass away.

It was interesting in a terrifying way.

I’ve seen people die. I’ve caused it as well (do NOT recommend). But that’s pretty quickly over. You can’t process everything and it leaves you a little dazed.

This was… different.

First the call came and I drove to North Carolina where my friend had retired. I thought he was hurt. Then they explained and I told them that I hadn’t seen him in over a decade. It was awkward. We weren’t super close. But I decided to stay.

I have never had someone look so happy to see me. EVER. We talked a little, got caught up. My brain was having a hard time processing that he wasn’t just….in the hospital. You know? Like he’d get better somehow.

His biggest fear was that no one would come. “I couldn’t think of anybody, man. I was a little scared”.

….

What could I say? Having noone there is pretty much a horrible thing. When he turned and stop talking, I got a break. The nurses thanked me for coming and wanted to hear how I knew him. The more they asked the less I could answer. Finally the question came…

Why did you come?

Those places are very religious. He talked a lot about the Lord and what he believed. Sometimes he just stared at me, like he was trying to memorize my face.

Eventually he was gone.

I drove home. During the drive I thought about how I had pulled away from friends and family. Three years ago, I had tried to end my own life. I thought about this stuff over and over.

Anyway…it was a busy week.

come back

I’m VERY busy lately and it’s my own fault. I’ve been working on a pretty big project that started in the wrong way….

…so I am a member of the Mustang Club of America. I’ve owned a few and I draw them constantly. Some of you already know that.

Well, last week I decided to post a couple on the group’s Facebook page.

Big mistake.

After a few hundred people contacted me to draw their personal cars, I decided to draw different ones from different eras and make them available for sale. To get everyone excited about the idea, I drew the new Shelby in illustrator and promised to include it in a coloring book that I was also making.

So far I’ve had a little over 8 thousand likes and a ton of responses.

I guess that I’m going to be busy.

Unobtainium

You know that it’s going to be an interesting week when it starts with a phoenix in the sky. Good news? Only time can tell…

A project being completed should be cause for happiness, but this picture of Alucard from Hellsing is about closing the books. A friend who passed away recently loved the character, so I did this. Cried a little.

That’s okay.

Then immediately started another picture on sort of a dare. Someone claimed hyper realism on a picture they drew and I…disagreed. Not in a bad way, mind you. Just pointed out some places where the guy missed the mark.

Well, he flipped out, called me a hater and worse, gave me the old “if you knew anything about art…”. Ugh!!

So I reverse Google searched the image, found the pic, sat down and made it in about two hours.

And I posted it in our art group. With time stamps.

I guess I wanted to make a point. I’m pretty sure I did; he shut up and tried to get me blocked by admin! She read the thread and decided that since he had requested critiques and comments, nothing I’d done warranted being kicked out.

Also, I got the same response. It’s the art world.people are going to disagree with what you’ve done, how it’s done, WHY it’s done. You gotta roll with it and you can always tell who to listen to and who to nod politely at.

We’re all trying to get better at creating.

Do try die

I finished this project for someone new. She doesn’t know about the blog. She just thought the image was cool and I agreed.

We talked.

And I was really enjoying myself until this voice inside me asked, very quietly, “what are you doing?”

I finished her picture and packed up my stuff. She seemed confused and I couldn’t explain. We parted. I’ll try to never see her again.

Because #skyphoenix never forgets and the stars haven’t burned out yet.