Tag Archives: art

Asphyxiation

I have had a crazy couple of weeks! First, I went to work for a new company and they were really awesome people. Then, I was hired by the federal government! Yep, pension, benefits and horrible commuting! Today is actually my first day.

So I drew this weekend. A LOT.

The mustang is from a photo that I took at a car show. I was trying to combine my style with that of another artist, whose look I admire. Hopefully it comes off pretty well.

Next, since the CrossFit games were on, I decided to do a strong lady flexing. If you know me you know I’m all about those, lol…

For an old classmate, I did a commission of our high school mascot. It’s been a while since I’ve drawn animals, but people seem to like them.

Then there’s THIS abomination. Ugh. I drew this and the whole body is drifting towards the right because I held the tablet on my knee. ALWAYS do your work properly, kids. Lesson learned.😑

Anyway, that was that. I had fun and got rid of some of my nerves. Wish me luck!

Leave a reply

I’m not well right now. I can’t really seem to stop crying and I thought drawing something would make me feel better.

It’s not.

Maybe if I could stop having nightmares. Maybe if I could clear my memory. Maybe if I could me and not a ghost of me.

That’s the REAL problem. I feel like there are two of me and one is happy and the other is me. And this pain in my chest in my head in every part of me is something I need to let go, but I can’t. I can’t.

Isn’t that what a ghost is? A spirit that can’t let go?

So how do I REALLY know that I’m alive? Is it this pain? Am I supposed to feel this from now on? What if I can’t. I get so tired from it, but it’s all I know somedays. I live between pain and nothing.

I can’t let go of my family. I’ve tried. But it feels as though my arm is being slowly torn off. There’s just a few strips of muscle, bone and sinew but I can’t take anymore pain. So I stop.

Crying when you don’t want to. Panic attacks. Laughing jags. I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to trick myself into breathing, but it’s not always easy. I can only draw when I am unhappy.

I want to be numb again. But sometimes I can’t tell if I’m alive and I’m scared that I’m not. I’m scared that I’m not with my family because I can’t be.

I’m not going back to the hospital. I’m not done fighting. I’m just tired.

A tired ghost. Ha.

Unmore

Leave a reply

If someone asked you for a “really quick” image, for free, how would you respond? Now make it a total stranger. What would you do?

I went ahead and did it.

I can’t explain why I did. It could be because I was drifting on my actual project and needed the distraction. Or maybe I felt sorry for the kid. Either way, they got an image made on typing paper.

It was nice and definitely pulled me out of my funk. It also reminded me that I could work faster than I had been…

…but there was still an image to get back to. I couldn’t just spend all my time playing around so in the end, they got this:

Maybe next time I’ll say no. We’ll see.

Wizards come Out

Leave a reply

I can’t believe that I sold this photo right after completing it! The lady who bought it was very respectful and sat quietly while I worked on it.

Most of the time when I’m drawing I am completely unaware of my surroundings. However, I can feel when someone is watching me. All artists can actually, we’re just a little busy, hahaha.

So I was able to take my time, such as it was. It took around two hours to complete the image; my coffee was cold and the place was a bit more crowded than when I started. But then, as I was putting away my things, she spoke.

“Did you draw that for anyone?”she asked. When I replied that I hadn’t, she asked me a lot of questions about my process and why I’d chosen this particular subject. She was very pleasant, so I didn’t mind, but her next question surprised me.

“May I buy it?”

“Yes ma’am” I answered. We agreed upon a price and she paid it. The only thing she asked was that I sign it, which I did.

I was very happy when I left Starbucks that day. It was one of the few times that my work was bought that quickly.

Best day of the month. 😊

Kill

Leave a reply

Man, it’s getting to be a hassle to find art time nowadays! This started out as an example; draw a scene as an exercise. I had no idea what would come from it!

After posting it into several groups that I’m a member of, someone contacted me and wanted to know my “page rate” . Durr?

I asked others about this innocently expecting a simple answer. Because I never learn. Because I believe in humans.

Because I’m dumb.

Next thing I know, I’m being blasted with hate mail! “You didn’t invent #killbill”, “that’s intellectual property”, “you’re a hack”….it went on and on.

Ugh. “Okay so BECAUSE someone liked my practice page, they asked me to draw THEIR ORIGINAL COMIC. Also, learn reading comprehension, assholes”, I replied.

So, I finally got some decent advice and discovered that the person asking had two other artists who hadn’t been paid for work rendered. I gave up.

I’ll draw what I want.

ifyouneedafriendgoodluck

Leave a reply

I love it when I’m drawing. When I am completely dialed in, my music is working with my mood and I have everything coming together, it’s the best feeling.

It hasn’t always been the case. For a very long time, I could only produce my best work when I was feeling negative emotions. How did this happen? I have a few suspicions, but it doesn’t matter.

What mattered was getting out of that dynamic.

The first step was to pick a different setting. I started drawing in more animated, cheerful environments. It helps you stay out of the negative emotions and puts you in a proper frame of mind.

Next is my music choice. Sorry #evanescence but I associate them with my divorce; a very dour time in my life. I have an entire playlist of inspirational, pick me up music. It made a tremendous difference!

Lastly, I got rid of all interruptions. This was the hardest; I would draw during lulls at work, as some of you know. I had to make sure that my time was dedicated to the art completely.

I guess you could say I had to focus, although I still sketch ideas when I first get them.

Anyway, that’s it. Repetition and practice makes it easier to get in your zone. And detaching your art ability from emotional states will free up your creative ability.

Good Times

Leave a reply

This little guy was so much fun to draw! I gave him to a friend of mine, who isn’t with me anymore.

Yeah

Leave a reply

What’s the weirdest day that you’ve had so far this year? Mine was Sunday and it involved This picture…

So, when I draw publicly, I usually meet two kinds of people: those who love my work and others. Well I met a new version of human, the student artist.

God help me.

I had a wonderful young lady with horrible self esteem sit right next to me and begin trying to draw the EXACT SAME PICTURE. I didn’t say anything. I let it go.

Then she nudges me to ask for paper. I looked at her and handed her one sheet of my marker paper. Not happy about it, but it wasn’t worth making a scene.

Then she tried to grab some markers.

I took them back and told her that this wasn’t group activity. So she screamed at me and threw her coffee and left.

I have no idea why it happened. It definitely killed my mood. I actually had a girl ask me if my girlfriend was okay! I explained that I didn’t know her and that she was taking my supplies. She didn’t seem to believe me.

Surrender to Winning

Leave a reply

Freelance life can be great. You’re hired based on your skill and hustle; you get to decide most of the rules of engagement. Yes, for outgoing, social people, it can be a wonderful experience….

…. for the people who hate the concept of other people, not so much.

Now I understand that this is a me problem. I need to be liked. My clientele will want to feel a connection to me. I get that. I shouldn’t be unavailable. It makes perfect sense.

But if I could just draw or paint all day, on a mountain, I would. I have learned though.

Anyway… when I was working on this, I was fresh out of the hospital and trying to find a job. I was a month behind on my mortgage.

And NO ONE was buying my work.

So I started doing portraits. I’m sure that it would take me forever to pay just one month worth of bills this way. But it did make me a lot better at it.

The good news is that I can put my own twist on them. So maybe it’s not so bad. Or maybe I’m becoming better at my people skills…

I’m back from LA. I did not have a great time. Suffice to say, fewer co-workers would have resulted in more fun.

It took some effort, but I managed to make time for some art. It was a huge challenge and it definitely cut into some much needed sleep; but I really wanted to stay active.

After a Miserable week, I finally flew home in time for the last day of NOVAcon!! A friend of mine had a booth their to sell copies of his book. We had an awesome time, even though I was running on fumes by then!

Of course I gave Chris the custom piece of art that I made of one of his characters. Which led to me sitting in his booth drawing Cosplay of some people! Everyone was awesome and encouraging. It was a great experience.