Tag Archives: emotional imagery

Twilight

I’m going blind

I have glaucoma. It’s pretty far along. They were supposed to operate but I can’t afford it and now my right eye is almost completely gone. My left is down to 86%. And I’m freaking all the way out.

I’m not sure if they can save my eye. I hope so. But I’m really scared right now. I’ve drawn all my life. I don’t have any memories of not doing it. My job is photographer/video editor/ artists.

What happens when I lose my sight? Forever?

I don’t live with anyone. There’s no family nearby. And I suffer from the kind of mental issues that are mocking my continued efforts to not give in to despair. Suddenly that suicide thing that I’ve been holding at bay feels like a mercy killing.

As an artist, if you’d ask me what I feared more than anything, it would have been losing my sight, with losing my hands a close second.

I’m not close to anyone. I’ve been dealing with this by myself for months. The surgery can only save what’s left, maybe. And because it’s the optic nerve that’s dying…well, maybe it’s already done.

I gotta have the surgery. I need to. But my window is closing and soon it won’t matter. I’ll be in the dark. And I’ll never come back.

[un] Sound

       What a horrible year! Or at least January was. February has a lot to make up for. Luckily the check I got from one of my old credit cards was a nice start. So let’s get rolling…

   This one is purely for fun. I bought this tanned paper notebook a while ago and have rarely used it. Plus my prismacolor pencils have been languishing at home, so it was time to dust those skills off.

     The usual tactic here is to use the shade of the paper as one of your colors; it’s a pretty cool effect, but I could care less about it. 

      I’m after time on this one. Not as a sketch, but a complete picture. 

       Honestly, I do images like this to keep the fun aspect of art alive. People always want to see their ordinary lives in art and I could never understand the reasoning. Why? But now I feel that what they’re trying to do is capture a feeling visually.

    So each layer of color adds emotional context. And if you miss that then there’s a good chance that your technically sound picture can feel dead.

     No artist wants a disconnect in his images. The thing with being self taught is that you have to realize this yourself; otherwise you’ll draw a lot of dead faces and mannequins, lol.