Yay! I actually got permission to post my digital art! Maybe I was wrong to give the choice, but I feel that portraits are kinda personal.
I’ve been so busy with repairing my home. It’s a little over one hundred years old and it’s last update was in the 80’s. I’m not trying to go too modern, but things like floor sag and bad rafters come before the pretty stuff. Foundations first!
Maybe I should just enjoy this period of my life. After all, it hasn’t been this quiet in a long time. No impending doom, just everyday things. I should be content.
Ha! Who am I fooling? Even though it’s true, that’s just not my nature. After a decade of nothing but one emergency after another, there is no way I could fully believe that calm waters are ahead. But is that experience or paranoia?
I gave up on happy. It abandoned me. My world has been mostly grey with occasional flashes of color. I’ve come to accept it, even appreciate those rare instances.
Was I wrong? Could it be?
Here’s the truth; I WANT to be. I really do. I know it’s a little like giving up on life the way I live. But I’m not sorry. It’s my way of… I’m getting my affairs in order. That’s all I’ve been doing. Stalling in the hopes that it isn’t necessary, but keeping my distance from life so that I won’t mind parting with it.
Okay. I need to start doing more than getting by. I need to find joy in little things. Like my art. It doesn’t need to be complicated because now I know what I want!
I want to be.
So… I’ve acknowledged the fact that there’s one person who can totally knock me off my game. It’s a little sad, but it kept me from being as content as I try to be. So I drew this spontaneously while watching a Star Trek commercial…
I was actually surprised at how well it turned out. The values were added first, followed by coloring. A lot of the time my mind wasn’t fully on it and I really had to concentrate to stay on task.
The good news is that I got through it. The better newsis that I got through it. I hate being at the mercy of something like this. But if you’re trying to control life, it will hurt you. So I ride my lows, stay calm in highs and try to find comfort in the middle. Contentment.
I’ve learned a valuable lesson. Deftones and Hennessey might not be the best combination for me to use as inspiration. I was actually getting angry as I drew this picture! Isn’t that funny?
There was a time when negative emotions ruled me. Then one day I realized something; it was much MUCH harder to not be that way. Everybody let’s the world win. I decided to fight it. It takes considerable effort, but I tend to stay content longer.