Tag Archives: life

Be

    Yay! I actually got permission to post my digital art! Maybe I was wrong to give the choice, but I feel that portraits​ are kinda personal. 

     I’ve been so busy with repairing my home. It’s a little over one hundred years old and it’s last update was in the 80’s. I’m not trying to go too modern, but things like floor sag and bad rafters come before the pretty stuff. Foundations first!

     Maybe I should just enjoy this period of my life. After all, it hasn’t been this quiet in a long time. No impending doom, just everyday things. I should be content.

    Ha! Who am I fooling? Even though it’s true, that’s just not my nature. After a decade of nothing but one emergency after another, there is no way I could fully believe that calm waters are ahead. But is that experience or paranoia?

    I gave up on happy. It abandoned me. My world has been mostly grey with occasional flashes of color. I’ve come to accept it, even appreciate those rare instances.

    Was I wrong? Could it be?

     Here’s the truth; I WANT to be. I really do. I know it’s a little like giving up on life the way I live. But I’m not sorry. It’s my way of… I’m getting my affairs in order. That’s all I’ve been doing. Stalling in the hopes that it isn’t necessary, but keeping my distance from life so that I won’t mind parting with it.

    Dammit.

   Okay. I need to start doing more than getting by. I need to find joy in little things. Like my art. It doesn’t need to be complicated because now I know what I want!
  I want to be.

 

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Bygone Be Gone

      This year I’ve started the process of reducing the amount of non-art in my life. I’ve also started to do those things I’d avoided until now.

     The first thingis getting my furnace repaired; it caught fire a couple of years ago and I’ve endured some bad winters huddled in one room of my house.

    I had avoided fixing things because to do so meant conversations with my ex. That’s it. 

   On a similar note, I’ve paid for my mental health and physical injuries myself. After watching my dad’s frustration with the VA ( veterans administration), I was loathe to visit them, even though I was medically discharged and had received extensive psychiatric care. I just didn’t want to be deconstructed for a couple of dollars. Plus I was fine, I continually lied to myself.

    I started working on the floors upstairs in my house this weekend. I always had a reason to procrastinate. But I’ve decided that my house isa physical manifestation of my mental health and self-esteem. So shit gets fixed.

   Broke up.

    My art is now on display in my nearby comic store. They framed it and had me sign it, so they must like it…

     And I have a few vehicles to get rid of. Maybe I shouldn’t, but honestly I feel that I need to. 

I’ve been asked to do the covers for a few indie comics. With pay! So there’s that. I’m feel like I’m starting to get a set of goals. We’ll see.

   Last year I lost 60 pounds. This year I’ll settle for 40 more.  And the hair.

   I still don’t know about the hair.

Liquid State

       Man, it is COLD!! 11°F this morning and the fun part is that it’s the same temperature in my home. Well, that’s an exaggeration; it’s actually about 50 in a few rooms. Can’t have a repeat of my pipes freezing again.

     Anyway, because of the conditions at home, I spent quite a bit of time at the gym. My girlfriend offered to let me stay with her, but….

    The funny thing is that I assumed that I’d created a lot of art last year. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been that productive in a long time. But this year? You’re looking at my eighteenth piece!

      My whole life is kinda coming unglued meanwhile. I’m sure I’ll recover, but damage control mode is getting old! My promise to not touch my business money or savings is being severely tested.🤑 

   My need for pain may have extended a little too far into my life. Hopefully I can get back under control.

       I’m doing okay. Most of my goals this year are mental. I just need to write myself reminders and make them into habits.

       But in a lot of ways I’m ahead.

Break[me]

      I’ve already made EIGHT images this year! Didn’t even realize it until someone else told me. It’s gotta be a new record for me.

    All of themare improvements over what I was doing at this point last year. I guess practice makes perfect after all. 

     In the interest of full disclosure, the end of last year required me to spend a few days checked into my favorite mental health center. I’m okay now. I’ll always fight to be okay. It’s my only real job: living.

      Last time you guys got to see the early version of my pricelist. A few of the upper range things changed; their price points were slightly off. But overall, I’ve gotten pretty positive feedback. The commission list is almost full for this month, with more work planned for next month. Dare I dream?…

      My life isn’t quite where I want it to be, but at this point its just a matter of tweaks. My business plan and life plan are on track and as long as I keep my PTSD and isolation in check, you guys can expect a better level of art.

    So if you have any questions, comments or requests, pass them along! You guys have been here for the ride and hopefully the finish line for this level is in sight 😊.

    I wish you peace and prosperity in the New Year.

New Year, Old Me

    I know, I know… I haven’t been around much. The death of a loved one affects us all in predictable ways. Moving on…

     I’ve caught up (almost) to all my commission based work! I’ve done well this year and look forward to next year being even better! But for now a few people have decided to let me put their images on my page. How nice!

     Of course, some of my favorite projects are going to be in a slightly larger size this year. Now that I have a fancy tilting drafting table, it’s game on! Purchased with the proceeds of my work of course 😊.

      I’m still doing black and white studies for people. It amazes me how much a simple drawing can reach others. And good news! Now that I know what my supplies and time are worth, I have a price index…

         so looking forward to drawing a LOT.

       

My best friend is dead.

I haven’t been able to do anything but bury him. His mother hates me and he hated her, so he left me everything. He wanted to be cremated; she buried him, against his wishes. Now she’s trying to charge me for the funeral. 

I can’t deal with this. I had to ask his lawyer for the location. He asked about her being at the reading of the will and told me he didn’t want her to have anything. So I didn’t tell her. 

This has been a terrible couple of weeks, guys.

I’m trying to draw, but nothing is coming out.

I’m trying.

Autumn Warmth

    This weekend I did absolutely nothing. I drank a lot. Slept. Watched the Crossfit Games on tv. I’ve been really active for a while now and it was a welcome break.

      It was something my dad told me once, “work smarter, not harder”. Sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that if we redouble our efforts we can improve our circumstances. “Always be on your grind” is the new catchphrase. It’s bullshit, of course. How much of that effort is simply wasted energy?

     So instead I sat, rested and thought. I organized my ideas, set goals and made a plan. I’m giving myself six months to achieve my goals. 

     I have a lot of artwork, both digital and traditional. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be presenting it in the best light. Hell, last month alone I made 38 pieces! 

     So I took a weekend to be lay about and consider my near future. Today I’m doing my business plan. I’m going through my social media and determining which pieces got the most responses. That’ll help me find my audience.  I’m also going to set up an artist page on Facebook. But first I need to make sure my chosen product is in its best light. 

    Thanks for being here while I built up a portfolio. But don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! You guys are valuable to me. You help clear my head and allow me to talk about my life. I need that sometimes. So you get to continue being along for the ride.

Buckle up.😉