Tag Archives: relationships

Specific

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Okay… I’m going to try something for the first time.

I’ll tell you WHY I drew something. If you guys like that I may share more stuff like it. WARNING!! It may suck, lol. Anyway…

I drew this picture of my son’s mother, my ex-wife. We talked for mother’s day and afterwards I felt physically ill. She was the love of my life and I still miss her everyday. So I was hit with this certainty that I didn’t exist anymore. I wanted to scream and I wanted to ugly cry.

I started drawing instead.

I did it as fast as I could. I just drew her like she was in the shower, except the water is mine. My tears. And NO ONE would know that. Unless I told them.

…

So as I went along, creating this little slice of my psyche, I began to feel better. So now you know.

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Do try die

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I finished this project for someone new. She doesn’t know about the blog. She just thought the image was cool and I agreed.

We talked.

And I was really enjoying myself until this voice inside me asked, very quietly, “what are you doing?”

I finished her picture and packed up my stuff. She seemed confused and I couldn’t explain. We parted. I’ll try to never see her again.

Because #skyphoenix never forgets and the stars haven’t burned out yet.

Buzzzzzzzzz…

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      Man, work has been hectic lately! I have so many projects that I’ve started locking my door and yelling “NO!!” when I hear a knock! All in an attempt to catch up on no less than 8 projects, with 3 due this week!

    Of course I can’t go that long without drawing something, so this piece was the result. It stems from a memory. And while it looks like a fun one, I came home that evening to a break up letter. So in every sense “leaving” is a suitable title.

    It didn’t rattle me though. While I was sad, I already had antibodies for sudden breakups. So I rode that wave and refuse to dwell on it.

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Ok, markers are getting a LOT easier

  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Post Stupidity

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    Woke up this morning and started another picture. I guess you could say that I was struck by inspiration. It definitely had nothing to do with the coughing fit that drug me out of a deep sleep to spit up a lung…

     Nope. Nothing at all.

     I played pool with a guy this weekend while his wife watched. After a couple of games and much drinking and mirth, she remarked that guys seem to fall into friendship so easily. We both looked at her and he said “friends? We don’t even know each other’s name! We’re just having a good time”.

     I think that’s what I’m doing with my life right now. Interacting with people, but not engaging anyone.

    It’s a living.

Infinite Ability, Finite Time

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     Hopefully,  today is a day where you remember your heritage and the little Italian slave who went on to bring Christianity to the emerald isle. For the rest of you?

     Don’t get too drunk.

     I’m starting to wonder if I’m approaching the upper limit of my stress threshold. Lately my chest has had sporadic twinges of pain. I would have ignored it when I was younger, but now it worries me, so I’m going to get a check up.

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      Walked into my edit suite and found a box under my desk. Apparently it’s been decided that I need a new computer, without checking to see if it’s true. The actual truth is worse; I edit on a Mac and no one else knows how to use it! Plus I’m on Premier Pro, so they’re switching me to Avid. That way a certain employee can use my raw footage. sigh….

       Finally, I’m getting my insurance check to fix my house! My ex has been really helpful. IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Life

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   I’m a terrible person to try to keep up with. A lot of things have happened to me recently and I was sidelined for a moment. Still, I only slowed down and my drawing was always at the forefront of my concerns.

    Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been doing more”traditional” type work. For me, it’s a little easier to do; I still find myself concentrating somewhat to illustrate digitally. Oh well…

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    This image bothers me. It’s not that it’s inaccurate or incomplete. It took all of 10 minutes to realize what was wrong; I like her. When you draw someone you like, there’s a glow on them, but it’s only in your head. So it gets lost in the recreation. That’s why artists tend to repeatedly draw their muses to some extent; you can’t draw love, you can only feel it.

Hardness

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         I’m heading on to my next drawing. Because I have to complete a lot of them, I’m getting a lot of practice. With all of the time I’m spending on this, I actually feel more centered and peaceful.

         My girlfriend is being pretty understanding, so I try to do nice things for her, like restaurants and stuff. After all, being supportive is important to me. So I fully intend to return the favor.

        In fact, since I dedicated myself to drawing, my life has gotten better. I shouldn’t be surprised though.

        My art feeds from any negative emotions or experiences in my life. I’ve always known this intellectually. But there was a decade long span in which I didn’t draw. I was angry and hurt.

       My wife left me.

        I instinctively began drawing after my suicide attempt.

      I’ll admit it; I sucked hard at first. But I felt better. But something was missing and it took awhile to get it. Darkness and sadness can’t be allowed to build up or it can overwhelm you. I let my pride in my own resistance blind me to my truth.

      …I guess I’m a good person. I just feed on bad emotions. Mine. Yours.

      Feed me.

Whoza, Wazza?

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     Finally starting to get posters of some of my art! Happy  Thumper Dance!  These make me feel more like a professional;  until I looked at the bodybuilding one and realized that I used a version where I hadn’t cleaned up my mistakes! D’oh!

    Of course everything hasn’t been ALL roses. I’ve had some major personal setbacks to overcome recently. In fact, now that I think about it…

    They started about the time I began seeing my current girl.

    hmmmm….